Except you’ve been locked in your room over the last decade, or you just landed from an unknown planet, you will know that the best way to make it
in life is going into the music industry. Despite that, the evil spirit that programmed hiphop into the lives of ambitious youths has refused to reveal the secrets. Unless you join the black order of you-know-it, your way to stardom is laced with snakes of failure, and you are bound to crash or (properly) perish along the road. I
have therefore decided, from my wealth of experience as a successful children choir cord, a blogger and a serious music hummer, to give one-a-lifetime manual that will guide and shoot you into the music moneymakers club.
Your name holds a powerful key to your door of stardom. Think of a successful musician without a nice, touché sounding name. WizKid, Davido, P
Square, phyno and the likes all became stars because they chose short and nice name. Your fans don’t want a star whose name will remove their teeth. Imagine what a name like 2packingwizikadofacing will do to your fans blood pressure. I’ll suggest a nice, two or three syllabic name like tapkid, topshort, or other good names you can think of.
Check the profile of many music celebs and you will find a one-time church chorister lurking under. Your church choir group may just be the grounding
you need to be a star. Forget project fame, idol or xfactor, those people will only pour cold ice into your hot shining star. Simply get the choir master to give you his blessings and you are good to go.
Do you flinch when you hear vulgar words? Do you feel uncomfortable when meaningless words are used around you? If your answer to those questions is no then you are not ready to be a star. A good Nigerian musician is someone who can stand in front of his religious leader and speak in street and dirty words. Nigerians don’t mind, and infact, they ‘ll listen more to your music as long as you can hurl insults and curses with rhythm and beats.
Whether you are into hiphop or classical music, Nigerians like innovative musicians. And that’s why
you need be a good dancer or invent a dance if you can’t dance. I’ll suggest you give it a nice name like apinga, alingo, kukere, sekem which has absolutely no meaning to me, and say it is a blend of other dances: Throw your arms wide, your legs up, heads down, stoop your waist and gbam, a new dance. Just be creative.
CELEBS AND COLLABOS (CAC)
To become a superstar, you need to be able to use other celebs’ head as a stepping ladder to your stardom. If you go to their shows, beg them, or even prostrate so you can get a selfie with them. Tell them you are a big fan and that you may die if they don’t give you an autograph. Get bank loans and use your father’s house as collateral just for a collabo fee. Don’t worry, you can always get your revenge when you become a star.
The power cars such as range rover, g-wagons and Bentley hold in a celebrity’s life cannot be undermined. Even if your hustles hasn’t been
crowned, simply go to a car showroom with a good photographer and click on. Take selfies with cars and share it on Facebook, instagram, flicker, twitter and sit back to watch miracles. Producers and record labels will fall over each other to get your signature. Now don’t Bleep up. When eventually you get show deals, get a car hired,
else, Na OYO you dey o.
Especially when shooting your videos, your popularity lies in your handling of ladies as it may lead to your upliftment or downfall. No one wants
a musician running and dancing with flat-chested men. They want to see bonnets and butts flying all over you. Get more female friends or buy them.
You may wanna throw this away but wait, close your eyes and think of a successful musician that doesn’t use sunglasses. None, right? You first
step to becoming a superstar lies in how you properly utilize the power of sunglasses. Cultivate the habit; anywhere, every time, in your house,
social events, night parties, naming ceremonies, in bed especially. The eyes of a superstar should not be easily seen. You wouldn’t want your fan ranking to go down simply because you didn’t use your sunglasses.
In other to succeed we must first believe we can. Follow those instructions and stardom will come as a piece of cake.